Book Secret 12

Secret 12 from "Trauma and the Golden Lady" relates to my connection of mother and home to Sylvia's connection with her mother and home. I had no conscious thought and made no conscious connection to this similarity throughout my writing, but I know, in hindsight, it was an everpresent fact and influence. Indeed, this mother and home empathic bond likely tempered any urge by me to critique or judge Aurelia and her influence on Sylvia. It is not that I failed to see her problems or sought to temper them, but rather saw her imperfections with a "there but for the grace of God" perspective; hopefully, "lovingly," as I speak of the word in my first chapter. Mother and home, my mother and home influence, helped me try to be tender, caring, nonjudgmental, sensitive, as a way of opening up to authentic understanding. Blaming, accusing, becoming embittered or angry, hating, passing judgment, condemning, all impede understanding; indeed, these prevent authentic understanding. Without really understanding and appreciating home and mother, I believe, one misses an essential part of who Sylvia Plath was, how she lived her life and why she committed suicide. Like Sylvia, my relationship with my mother bears closeness and influence. While Sylvia's father's illness and death led to increased attachment to mother, it was my father's work away from home that increased my connectedness. Home became a place of increased importance, obligation, responsibility, nurturance, and security. As with Sylvia, in a curious way, such a "one-parent influence" seemed to increase the urge for independence. As much as one feels the attraction to home and mother, one seeks, perhaps stronger than usual, to move apart from it, to become one's unique self, living out a unique destiny. Due to such a developed bond with mother and home, the "maternal," I believe, becomes a strong part of one's personality and influences one's life. For example, I have no doubt it has helped me effectively help women who were abused or neglected. Sylvia brought the maternal into her relationship with Ted and influenced her decision-making, even in a negative way, such as with her decision to die. I could write forever about this mother-home connection, as well as the differences between my life and Sylvia's. I leave it to the reader to reflect on this. I would welcome future dialogue about this.
​Dr. Bob