Book Secret 10

iAnother insight, a "secret" I discovered in writing "Trauma and the Golden Lady," is the likely connection of "secondary posttraumatic stress" to Ted Hughes and the life of Sylvia Plath. I do believe this profoundly affected Ted and, consequently, affected Sylvia and Ted's relationship with her and others. It's no coincidence that the image I've selected to preface this blog is of my metaphorical pink sock monkey trying to lift a heavy stone. Persons I've met and worked with in therapy who grew up with parents with PTSD (diagnosed as such, or not), work hard and anguish to be a healthy self and connect with others. For them, something is missing or lacking. In their development, there may be at least a "passive neglect" within the home and parental environment, or perhaps abuse or even domestic violence. The self-absorbed style of the parent with PTSD impairs their ability to optimally parent or teach and/or love their children. These children find themselves without adequate support , direction, guidance, and attention. They, as it seems did Ted and Gerald Hughes, seem to instinctively seek to compensate for this loss by prematurely becoming independent and seeking to find their own attention and satisfaction. Self-gratifying acts often soothes the hurt of what is lost or missing. These acts bring pleasure and help the child feel good, for a brief time. Unless successfully healed or resolved, however, this narcissistic need may become insatiable. As with Ted, such hurt children become strongly centered on their need to care for their self. In a curious way, they may also become viewed erroneously by others as strong and secure, an attractive source for comfort and stability. These children with Secondary Posttraumatic Stress have learned how to survive and act independently, by and for their self. Acting and living intimately, with and for others, however, may be quite the challenging mountain to climb, something not learned, not taught, not internalized. Without significant and healthy intimacy during development, learning to act and be intimate later on, one may argue, will likely mean getting help from healthy others, such as professionals. They must first come to know and understand what was lost, then grieve, and then heal. It means having to learn to be intimate. It means shedding an ego that had needed to be exaggerated to survive and compensate in growing up and developing a more humble, less anxious and more open one. Thanks to this insight and understanding, I'm finding and developing a more effective way to help others who need to learn to heal after trauma and secondary PTS. Viewing Ted Hughes' family has helped me greatly. Never thought this would be the case. Wow!